Marshmallows

Marshmallows make everything better. Especially toasted marshmallows.

 These two sure love their Daddy!

Bing is very very focused.

And this girl especially loves her Daddy!

Johnny wants to be just like Daddy :)

We've had kind of a whirlwind of bad news this week. On Wednesday I thought I was having a routine check-up with my Doctor and Concord OB. However, he couldn't find a heartbeat, so he sent me to ultrasound and it was confirmed that the baby was no longer with us. I would've been 16 weeks but measurements showed that the baby had stopped growing at 14 weeks. That same day I was sent to a Dr. Stephen J. Ralston at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston. He wasted no time, since it had been two weeks since the baby's heart had stopped, and I was scheduled for a D&E on Thursday. Mom, since I was in shock, and Brian too, flew up Wednesday night. She's been invaluable. I'm not myself yet, still a little upset and angry, but working through it. Brian is sad but I think he is processing it a little bit better than myself. Not that he isn't just as upset. The procedure went fine. It was hard to wake up and still feel pregnant on Thursday morning, even knowing that I wasn't really anymore and then to wake up Friday morning and feel....empty. 

We don't know what happened, and in all reality probably won't ever, but the hospital is doing a chromosomal work up on tissue from the pregnancy and they'll let me have those results on August 29th. So, if there is anything to tell, we'll find out then. I've been reading though and most things say that when a miscarriage happens beyond 12 weeks that it is most likely due to a latent medical problem in the mother. Both of the doctors I spoke to didn't think this was the case, but that this was just a - fluke, for lack of a better word. But twice in a row, and this one much farther along and they are going to examine all possibilities. I'm grateful for that. I like Dr. Ralston. If I ever get pregnant again, and we happen to be living here, I will personally request him - not sure if I'll get him, but I'll request away. 

So, that is our bad news. My Mom is here until Tuesday the 13th, and as much as she'd like to be home to help Dad, I'm so grateful to have someone here, keeping me from being alone. Not quite ready for that. I think going to bed is the hardest. During the day I can keep busy, but when my head hits the pillow, I remember. 

I know the world is filled with far greater tragedies, and I'm so grateful for the two babies that I have, for the family that loves us and cares about us, for Brian. This is heartbreaking, especially since it seems like everyone I know is pregnant or just had a baby. It will be difficult for awhile, but our turn will come again. I know it.